Estrangement

Most of us would ideally like to see the family in happy and carefree surroundings: parents or grandparents, uncles and aunties, and cousins. In previous generations, familiar adult friends of parents were called aunties and uncles, and everyone seemed to know everyone. We have moved on from there, and family life is changing from the extended family to the nuclear family and now to estrangement. Relationships have deteriorated over time, and for some, no one is around, yet that client may, due to stigma or secrecy, tell everyone he has no relatives.

Why has this occurred? Is this due to social media, societal changes or life expectations? There are many reasons. Some of these could be physical, sexual or mental abuse as a child; others could be a choice not to fit in with traditional family ideals and expectations or partner blackmail (it’s them or me). As a parent, it could be where the adult child does not meet their expectations, such as not being in the profession they wanted them to be in, being queer or non-heterosexual, or not conforming to a religion.

Being estranged can happen slowly, with a gradual decline of invitations, visits, and telephone calls until no contact is made, or it can happen quickly, and the person is ghosted with sometimes no reason or explanation.

Emotions can range from feeling empty, embarrassed, grief (of a child or parent that is no longer there physically (but still living)), wanting to reach out, shame that you have done something wrong (you probably haven’t done anything as bad as that person is making you think you have), and rumination about what could have been or what you may have done.

Counselling can help by bringing both parties together to work through their problems, resolve issues that may be deep-rooted, ignored, or unrealised, and set boundaries within relationships.

In cases where estrangement cannot be resolved, Counselling can help you discover resources to manage your feelings and live your best life.